Exercising Hospitality by Telling People to Go Away

One of the blessings of living in a small cluster of homes in the country is that we have relative peace and quiet. Our evenings are filled with the sounds of birds, wind in the trees, children playing in their yards, and a general calm and beauty that I think many neighborhoods would envy. One of the things I love about our tiny little neighborhood is that we enjoy our little neck of the woods, and we all take a great deal of pride in being warm and inviting, hospitable, and just generally nice to those around us.

However, one of the curses of living not too far from a town in a cluster of houses is that we attract solicitors... And lots of them. Starting in the spring, we had an average of 3-6 solicitors a week. I answered the doorbell more than I answered the phone!

Now, I strive to make my little plot of land beautiful, welcoming, and pleasant, and I want to show a measure of good hospitality to those who come to see us. So I was very conflicted in how to protect my home and my privacy, while still showing a measure of grace and hospitality. On one hand, I felt that it was my duty to welcome those who came to my door, no matter what cause they're coming to support, but on the other hand I just wanted to rip out my doorbell and throw it across the yard.

There are, of course, the signs that say "no trespassing" and "no solicitation," but is that the message I wanted all of the people to see when they walked to my door? Everybody from the guy selling dictionaries to my mother would see that was the first impression of welcome people got from my house. That didn't please me in the slightest. Even worse, it would discourage solicitors I actually wanted, like local school children, youth organizations, and those wonderful little gals who bring me my stash of Girl Scout Cookies and 4-H candy bars.

A sign that discourages cookies and chocolate? That's not happening.

There had to be a sign out there that was both welcoming and pleasant, that very clearly expressed that we didn't want to have our doorbell pushed by every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a pamphlet. But how is such an attitude an exercise in hospitality? I had a lot of thinking to do...

Hospitality means, to me, to be welcoming, warm, and gracious to all of those who come to my door, and to be a generous host to those I invite in to the home. I want my home to be a place of relaxation and comfort for everybody who comes across the threshold. But wait a minute... Is my home a place of relaxation and comfort to me and my husband if we're being disrupted by solicitors, some of whom are less-than-friendly, or who can be very pushy? I found a lot of times we'd answer the door and politely say "no thanks," only to have the salesperson get frustrated, or become overly insistent to the point of hostile. That left Mr. Stepford and me irritated, which is totally against what I want our home to be. Not to mention, it made us dread answering the door, because we could never tell who it was or how they'd behave... And isn't that dread and worry about who's at the door totally the opposite of the environment I was trying to cultivate?

The other thing that I considered was, with the parade of people I saw who came to my door trying to sell things, I only bought items from the local children, or from local youth groups, or from people I knew or trusted. In this age of credit card fraud, identity theft, and stalkers, I just don't want to hand money and personal information or credit card numbers to random strangers who appear at my door. Yet, each person who came would enter into their speech about what they were selling and why I should buy it, all the while I knew I probably wouldn't. So for every moment they spoke, I was wasting their time. Time that could be better spent on the doorstep of a house where they could be making money. Is that hospitable treatment of those to come to my door when I take their time and effort in the knowledge that I wasn't going to do anything with it? Is it gracious?

The biggest issue was that of safety. I'm home alone, a lot. I have no way of verifying that the person at my door is really who they say they are. If somebody who came to my door were to push his or her way in, I'd be in trouble. Did you know most burglaries and home invasions occur during the time of 10am to 3pm, while people are at work? Many people with less than honest intentions use the door-to-door salesperson routine as a means to profile a house and its occupants. I think we can all agree, a lack of safety in one's own house is a total opposite to the goal of hospitality.

I came to the conclusion that sometimes gracious hospitality includes the fine art of discouraging people from intruding on your home time and space, prevent wasting their time and energy, and doing so in a manner that's not accusatory, insulting, in-your-face, or combative, or without leaving a negative first impression on welcomed guests.

I ended typing and printing the following, dressing it up a bit, and laminating it as a sign on my front door:

"We welcome family, neighbors, friends, stray animals, lost kids, wildlife, mail carriers, and neighborhood children fundraising for school events, sports teams, and youth organizations. Be warned, we have a soft spot for cookies, candy, popcorn, handmade jewelry, and candles, and we can always use more wrapping paper.

We also enjoy our private time and a peaceful home. So please no adult salespersons or religious solicitation.

If you would like to leave information on the porch, please do so without knocking or otherwise disturbing our household.

Thank you!"

It took me awhile to word it, and I found lots of suggestions online, but I finally pieced together something that not only clearly encouraged local children, clearly discouraged everybody else, but did so in a way that was polite and friendly, and even still gave them an opportunity to leave literature so I could look it over if I so chose.

The sign has worked brilliantly. We've had no solicitors since we put it up. Sometimes our porch looks like Kinko's exploded on it with all the handouts on it, but that's OK. :D

I didn't realize how effective the sign was until a few days ago, when a new neighbor came calling to get to know the neighborhood. She came to the door and read the sign, and one of the first things she told me when she came and sat down with me was that it was worded in such a way that made her feel welcome, removed the uneasiness of "gosh, do these people really want to meet the new neighbor or not?" that she felt before going around to visit, and it made her feel like if I was so openly diligent about protecting my family's time and interests and my home atmosphere, that by being my guest, she would feel comfortable in assuming she'd get the same treatment, and would enjoy a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere.

Ah, the benefits of a well-worded sign... :)

For more WFMW tips, head to Rocks in my Dryer for a huge list of them. I've found some of the most amazing stuff there...