Seconds on the Slop, Please

It's another beautiful day in the Stepford home... The dog is neatly groomed and sleeping on his perfectly arraigned pillow in the living room (Ok... The dog shed everywhere and is standing on the couch barking at a Cardinal outside), the house is meticulously cleaned (by which I mean I did some vacuuming, did my morning routine, goofed around a bit, then spent an hour... Ok, 4 hours... on the computer), I'm dressed in a modest outfit (tee-shirt and jeans, but I think it's the Crocs that finish off the outfit quite nicely, though the hobo hair makes a statement all on its own), and the air is thick with the smell of home cooking (no, really, it is... Would I exaggerate?).

Mr. Stepford breezes through the door and sets his work gear down, gets changed into his civis (aka... "Normal people clothes"), and sits down to a freshly wiped dining room table, featuring lit candles and a wonderful summer scape centerpiece that can only truly be appreciated by another woman.

With fork in one hand and knife in the other, I come from the kitchen to the dining room table, carrying dinner. Eyes lit up with eager anticipation, Mr. Stepford waits for dinner to hit the table. What succulent dish could it be, he ponders... Chicken in lemon cream sauce? Or maybe pork pot pie... Though it does have the smell of freshly cooked beef... Ah, a pot roast perhaps, cola pot roast with that sweet and salty cream sauce... With a smile, I set down the steaming plate of delicious goodness. His eyes fall to the plate, reeling with the visual feast before him. He takes in the sight of the meal in front of him and exclaims:

"What the heck is this?" (Or words similar in effect)

It's a... Something... Not a stew because it's not got enough stuff in it, not a soup because it's too thick. It's a funny shade of brown, with no discernible shapes in it... Though that might be a bit of corn... Or was it a noodle? Who knows. The texture is reminiscent of very lumpy gravy, and there is chunks of mystery meat floating about in it. The fleeting hope of "this is April Fools, and my real meal is still over there" crosses his mind...

"Try it, you'll like it," I say soothingly, while eating a spoonful of mystery meal and, much to Mr. Stepford's surprise, managing to keep it down.

A cautious spoon dips in and scoops out a bit of the mystery meal, mouth uneager for the taste that this... Stuff... Brings with it. But in it goes. A swish of the tongue, a little chew, and a swallow later, the stuff... It's... It's... Surprisingly delishious. Each spoonful is eaten a little more eagerly than the last, until the first serving is gone.

"So... Is there anymore left? You kept the recipe, right? Because this stuff is good... I mean REALLY good..."

This, Ladies and Gentlemen of Stepford, is the bounty of the mystery meal. A meal known by many names across the world... "Slop," "Grool," "Dookie on a Shingle" (or words to that effect), the "just try it, you'll like it" of the home cook's recipe box. A meal folks at "Taste of Home" and Food Network never show their viewers. Why? Because, as good as it tastes, as delectable every bite is, it looks absolutely horrible.

I'm guessing I wasn't the only one raised in a time before food was dressed up and made sexy. My childhood was a parade of "try it, you'll like it, trust me" meals. A time where it was only one or two ingredients that separated "sausage stew" from "spaghetti sauce" from "chili." Where presentation was slapping it on a plate, maybe answering the "you've got to be kidding me, right? You're not going to make me eat that" looks of the folks around the table with an equally convincing "no, I'm not, and yes, you are" look. And I'll admit it here for everybody to read... I've got more than one dish that's so scrumptious, so cravably delicious, so taste-bud blowingly awesome, that you almost forget that it looks absolutely nasty.

I'd like to think that I'm woman enough to show you a picture of these meals, that I can overcome the modern stigma of making a meal that isn't visually appetizing, even if it is amazingly yummy... But you know what, I'm not. I'm really not. My beef stew and dumplings is literally so delish, we eat most of it in one night. It's the ultimate comfort food. And the pork in chili salsa cream sauce... Holy cow. It's one of the best meals I make. It should be enough to overcome the fact that the stew looks like mud and the pork looks like... I won't even tell you. There's no nice way to describe what salsa, chili, and cream cheese looks like over pork, there really isn't. And don't lie... You may love to eat it, you may have a gallon of it frozen in your freezer right now, but there is no way in the world you can dress up split pea soup so that it looks appetizing. There just isn't.

But come on, admit it... I'm not the only one out there, am I? I think the "delicious slop" meal is the demon in the closet of every resident in Stepford... Try as you like, there's that one dish that looks like a trainwreck on a plate that you just can't stop serving.

Warning: The above picture is not a "slop" meal as it is both attractive and appetizing.

The picture has been changed so as to protect the innocent, prevent self-incrimination of the guilty,

and preserve the stomachs of the readers.

A note from Stepford ~ I realize I used like 10 words that aren't real words in this entry, but somehow, I'm OK with it. I hope you are too. ;)