Exercising Hospitality by Telling People to Go Away

One of the blessings of living in a small cluster of homes in the country is that we have relative peace and quiet. Our evenings are filled with the sounds of birds, wind in the trees, children playing in their yards, and a general calm and beauty that I think many neighborhoods would envy. One of the things I love about our tiny little neighborhood is that we enjoy our little neck of the woods, and we all take a great deal of pride in being warm and inviting, hospitable, and just generally nice to those around us.

However, one of the curses of living not too far from a town in a cluster of houses is that we attract solicitors... And lots of them. Starting in the spring, we had an average of 3-6 solicitors a week. I answered the doorbell more than I answered the phone!

Now, I strive to make my little plot of land beautiful, welcoming, and pleasant, and I want to show a measure of good hospitality to those who come to see us. So I was very conflicted in how to protect my home and my privacy, while still showing a measure of grace and hospitality. On one hand, I felt that it was my duty to welcome those who came to my door, no matter what cause they're coming to support, but on the other hand I just wanted to rip out my doorbell and throw it across the yard.

There are, of course, the signs that say "no trespassing" and "no solicitation," but is that the message I wanted all of the people to see when they walked to my door? Everybody from the guy selling dictionaries to my mother would see that was the first impression of welcome people got from my house. That didn't please me in the slightest. Even worse, it would discourage solicitors I actually wanted, like local school children, youth organizations, and those wonderful little gals who bring me my stash of Girl Scout Cookies and 4-H candy bars.

A sign that discourages cookies and chocolate? That's not happening.

There had to be a sign out there that was both welcoming and pleasant, that very clearly expressed that we didn't want to have our doorbell pushed by every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a pamphlet. But how is such an attitude an exercise in hospitality? I had a lot of thinking to do...

Hospitality means, to me, to be welcoming, warm, and gracious to all of those who come to my door, and to be a generous host to those I invite in to the home. I want my home to be a place of relaxation and comfort for everybody who comes across the threshold. But wait a minute... Is my home a place of relaxation and comfort to me and my husband if we're being disrupted by solicitors, some of whom are less-than-friendly, or who can be very pushy? I found a lot of times we'd answer the door and politely say "no thanks," only to have the salesperson get frustrated, or become overly insistent to the point of hostile. That left Mr. Stepford and me irritated, which is totally against what I want our home to be. Not to mention, it made us dread answering the door, because we could never tell who it was or how they'd behave... And isn't that dread and worry about who's at the door totally the opposite of the environment I was trying to cultivate?

The other thing that I considered was, with the parade of people I saw who came to my door trying to sell things, I only bought items from the local children, or from local youth groups, or from people I knew or trusted. In this age of credit card fraud, identity theft, and stalkers, I just don't want to hand money and personal information or credit card numbers to random strangers who appear at my door. Yet, each person who came would enter into their speech about what they were selling and why I should buy it, all the while I knew I probably wouldn't. So for every moment they spoke, I was wasting their time. Time that could be better spent on the doorstep of a house where they could be making money. Is that hospitable treatment of those to come to my door when I take their time and effort in the knowledge that I wasn't going to do anything with it? Is it gracious?

The biggest issue was that of safety. I'm home alone, a lot. I have no way of verifying that the person at my door is really who they say they are. If somebody who came to my door were to push his or her way in, I'd be in trouble. Did you know most burglaries and home invasions occur during the time of 10am to 3pm, while people are at work? Many people with less than honest intentions use the door-to-door salesperson routine as a means to profile a house and its occupants. I think we can all agree, a lack of safety in one's own house is a total opposite to the goal of hospitality.

I came to the conclusion that sometimes gracious hospitality includes the fine art of discouraging people from intruding on your home time and space, prevent wasting their time and energy, and doing so in a manner that's not accusatory, insulting, in-your-face, or combative, or without leaving a negative first impression on welcomed guests.

I ended typing and printing the following, dressing it up a bit, and laminating it as a sign on my front door:

"We welcome family, neighbors, friends, stray animals, lost kids, wildlife, mail carriers, and neighborhood children fundraising for school events, sports teams, and youth organizations. Be warned, we have a soft spot for cookies, candy, popcorn, handmade jewelry, and candles, and we can always use more wrapping paper.

We also enjoy our private time and a peaceful home. So please no adult salespersons or religious solicitation.

If you would like to leave information on the porch, please do so without knocking or otherwise disturbing our household.

Thank you!"

It took me awhile to word it, and I found lots of suggestions online, but I finally pieced together something that not only clearly encouraged local children, clearly discouraged everybody else, but did so in a way that was polite and friendly, and even still gave them an opportunity to leave literature so I could look it over if I so chose.

The sign has worked brilliantly. We've had no solicitors since we put it up. Sometimes our porch looks like Kinko's exploded on it with all the handouts on it, but that's OK. :D

I didn't realize how effective the sign was until a few days ago, when a new neighbor came calling to get to know the neighborhood. She came to the door and read the sign, and one of the first things she told me when she came and sat down with me was that it was worded in such a way that made her feel welcome, removed the uneasiness of "gosh, do these people really want to meet the new neighbor or not?" that she felt before going around to visit, and it made her feel like if I was so openly diligent about protecting my family's time and interests and my home atmosphere, that by being my guest, she would feel comfortable in assuming she'd get the same treatment, and would enjoy a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere.

Ah, the benefits of a well-worded sign... :)

For more WFMW tips, head to Rocks in my Dryer for a huge list of them. I've found some of the most amazing stuff there...

Do I Look a Year Older?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, do I? Yesterday was my birthday, and I can no longer call myself a woman of my mid-20s, but now a woman of my mid-to-late 20's. Oh, how the time flies by... Makes me wonder what I've done with myself!

I have to say, I love my birthday. I love all birthdays, really. When I was growing up, we made birthdays a big deal around our house. My mother had (what do I mean had... She still has it and still puts it up on our birthdays!) this banner that said "Happy Birthday!" It was blue and kind of orchid purple, and it was very 1960's style... But every year, I remember coming down the stairs and seeing that banner stretched across the ceiling by the dining room, over our presents. Even now when I see it, I have that giddy, childish excitement that I had when I was little.

I'm a big fan of holiday/birthday/special event traditions... I'd love to hear from you guys... What are some of your favorite birthday traditions? Something that makes those special days really something to remember?

Favorite Ingredient Friday ~ Blue Glo-tini

I'll admit it, here for everybody to see. My name is Mrs. Stepford, and I like to clone recipes.

It's not that I'm cheap, it's that I love to travel and eat and drink new and exciting things. I can't help it. It seems a large number of the memories I create seem to start over a plate of really great food. And while I'd like to drive to Maine whenever I crave a Lobster Pie and spend $36 for a single serving of it at a luxury hotel, or fly to Tortola whenever I want a Pimms Cup, or skip over to Disney World when I'm craving shrimp and sundried tomatoes in a wine cream sauce over linguini, it's just not realistic. The best a person like me of limited financial means can do is hope to re-create the experience with a knock-off that not only hits the spot in my stomach, but jogs the memory about vacations past.

For those who may not know or remember, Mr. Stepford and I took a trip to Disney waaay back in November, where we met up with my sister, her husband, and two kiddos. Needless to say, we had a blast, and also just as needless to say, the trip was over too soon, and it wasn't long before both Mr. Stepford and I were dealing with a full-blown case of what I call the Disney Depression... Depression that comes from being so spoiled by the Disney experience that you long to go back and do it all again. Of course, adult priorities and a shockingly empty wallet is something of a stumbling block to going back to Disney on a whim. The only cure was, of course, to spend hours watching home movies, looking through the pictures we took, re-reading the numerous books and maps we took home for scrapbooking, and trying to recreate the fabulous meals we had while we were there.

The first thing I sought to recreate? Well, in true Stepford Wife fashion, it was this marvolous drink my sister and I had while we were down there, called "The Blue Glo-tini." I loved them, and I had more than a couple that week, and just the sight of those light up novelty ice cubes that came in the drink made me want to have a couple more. I scoured the Internet to see if I could find the at-home version of the drink. Thank goodness Disney is happy to share their recipes with people who call up and request them… ;)

Blue Glo-tini

1.5 oz Citrus Vodka (I’m cheap, I use Smirnoff)
.5 oz Peach Schnapps (Again, the cheap stuff, Jenkins)
.5 oz Blue Curacao (I go all out on that stuff and use Bols)
1.5 oz Pineapple Juice
1 oz Sour/Margarita Mix (Ok, I’ll admit it… I use TGIFriday’s Sour Mix)

Combine all in a martini shaker, shake, then strain into a sugar-rimmed
martini glass. Finish by floating a glowing “ice cube” in the glass.

It goes without saying that only those of legal Mickey-ear age should drink. And don’t worry, if you don’t have a blue glowing “ice cube,” it will still be very tasty. Though just less glowy. Maybe a "Blue-tini?"

So, perhaps a somewhat unusual "Favorite Ingriedient Friday" share, but there you go. A recipe that glows and has a story. :)

Blooming on a Rainy Day

These pretty blooms belong to the pride and joy in my garden... My Bella Daylilies. When I bought them a few years back, they were Bela Lugosi Daylilies, but over the years cross-pollination and less-than-ideal soil conditions changed their coloration away from the typical Bela Lugosi Daylilies (which have dark purple petals with a milky lime-green throat), to the colors they are now. So now, I just call them my Bellas... But they're still my absolute favorite ladies in the garden.

They're amazing flowers... Each plant produces half a dozen to a dozen blooms, and my clump has about 8 plants in it. When those blooms open, their scent is so strong that if I were to leave the window open, their fragrance would drift through the whole house. They're so exotic and eye-catching, that I get compliments about them every year. I've been asked to divide my clump and swap some of my girls for other Daylilies... A tempting proposition since I love Daylilies, but I just can't part with my girls.

The thing about my Bellas... Each flower blooms only once. In the morning, the flower will open and reveal the amazing scent and colors that brighten the whole front yard, and by the next morning, the sweet bloom's petals will lose color and turn almost clear, then drop to the ground. The whole blooming season for my Bellas is only a couple of weeks in late July-early August, so the show that my girls put on is relatively short lived, especially for Daylilies. Then, the grassy foliage turns an emerald green before going down for the winter. The first plants to succumb to frost, the last ones to wake up in the spring. It's a rather short life for my girls each year.

I used to think that it was such a shame when my Bellas would decide to bloom on a cloudy, rainy day. Those stunning flowers seem wasted when the sun doesn't highlight them and when the wind is so wet it doesn't carry their scent around the yard. Their short life in bloom totally wasted on a dark, damp, cool day, where their beauty can't truly be appreciated. Since this summer has been incredibly dark, dreary, and rainy, there have been quite a few days where they have opened their sweet faces and not seen a ray of sun.

Then yesterday, as I was walking back from the garage after saying goodbye to Mr. Stepford, I saw two of my girls in full bloom. Even though it was drizzling and damp, there they were, wide open and glowing with color. They were bright, vibrant, and alive. If there was ever anything or anybody who made the most out of such a short period of life, it was those girls right there. It occured to me, maybe they were blooming on a rainy day, but you'd never know to look at their smiling faces. It didn't even matter that it was raining, or that it seemed the elements around them were all trying to mute their showy display. In fact, it seems like those two ladies took the elements and turned them to their favor. The dampness of the weather really brought out their color, like water does to an opal and their scent mixed with that earthy smell of wet grass and trees, and that freshness that comes after a cleansing rain.

It dawned on me, even though the weather was bad, my girls were just as beautiful as if it was sunny, and that they were more than able to adapt to the conditions around them to further highlight their unique style. It was just that I was unable to see them making the most of their situation, and blooming in spite of adversity.

Sometimes we forget that beauty can exist even when our environment isn't perfect, and that sometimes true beauty is brought out by the ability to turn what's around us (which may seem kind of blah or bleak) into something amazing.

Just a thought. :)

The Ocean in a Bottle

Call it a hazard of trying to get pregnant, but lately I've been collecting all sorts of fun little crafty things to do with munchkins for my ever expanding "Mommy Idea" book. A few of my ideas actually come from my stint as a co-teacher at a preschool back before Mr. Stepford and I got married.

The "Ocean in a Bottle" craft was one we did for summer camp, which I thought was really, really cool. It's cheap, it's quick, it's only minimally messy, and bugs of all ages can do it. Not only is it fun to put together, fun to look at, but it's cheap and disposable... Which means that when they get tired of it in a week, you can empty it out and throw it away without regret. Added bonus is you can even sneak a little science in with the crafting.

Come on, how great is that?

Making an ocean bottle is actually so simple, you'll cry. The kids can even do most of it with only supervision. All you need is:

• A clear plastic soda bottle, with lid (any size will do, but I think the two-liter bottles are best)


• Mineral oil (found in the personal care section of your local box store)


• Water (found in the faucet of your local kitchen)


• Blue food coloring


• Shells, dollar store sea critters, sea glass, or other sea-related doo-dads that can fit in the bottle


• Craft glue

Optional:

• A funnel, to minimize messiness


• A little glitter (or ocean critter shaped confetti)... half a teaspoon to a teaspoon or so, to maximize sparkliness
  
• Hot glue, to prevent embarrassing leaks

Construction Process:

1. If you haven't already, but we all know you have, wash your bottle and take off all identifying labels. Then, fill the bottle slightly over halfway with regular old tap water (this is where that funnel may come in handy).

2. Add a few drops of food coloring, until the water is that desired shade of oceany-blue (if you make it too dark, you might not sea your critters.. Get it? Sea? I kill me). Screw on the cap and shake (not stir), to incorporate the food coloring while simultaneously using some of that extra energy you know your kiddos have.

3. Add the sea critters, shells, and do-dads to your bottle. If you have glitter, now's the time to throw it in.

4. Now, fill the bottle to just about the top with the vegetable oil (bet you're wishing you had that funnel now, huh?).

5. Wipe down the cap and rim of the bottle, so that they're totally dry and oil-free. Put on some of that crafting glue around the threads of the screw top on the bottle, trying not to get any actually in the bottle. Screw the cap on tight.

6. If you've got your glue gun armed and ready, use extra glue around the edge of the cap for more protection against leaks and spills.

Voila! Instant ocean in a bottle. To use, simply turn the bottle on its side and rock it back and forth to create gentle waves. Or strong waves, what ever your child prefers. Talk about how the ocean affects the animals in it, talk about how waves work, heck, even share why the oil and water don't mix.

Some tips for extra fun in the ocean:

Mixing ocean critters and doo-dads that float with ocean critters and doo-dads that sink is actually kind of neat. Test to see which ones float and which ones don't by dropping them in bowl of water.

Like it or not, wetness will occur, both from spilled oil and spilled water. To minimize messiness, and slippery spots on your kitchen floor that don't seem to ever go away, do the craft outside... Or somewhere that you don't mind watching people fall down a lot. You know, whichever.

There's no law saying the ocean must be blue. And there's no law saying it has to be an ocean. Mix things up by dying the water different colors. Experiment with the food coloring, see what you can create. Use different oils, like vegetable, canola, maybe even olive oil, for different color combinations.

Substitute the sea critters for other things... Confetti, beads, glitter, small gemstones, whatever. Use it as a way to demonstrate things like viscosity and density. Make it a magic bottle instead of an ocean bottle, or a color bottle, or whatever. One lady called hers a "princess bottle" and had a bunch of girls make it as a favor for her daughter's birthday party, adding dollar store finds and other girly things to it, and she used some of that neon food dye for the water. Imagine red water, yellow vegetable oil, and bugs for a boy's party... EWWW!

When the bottle has outlived it's novelty, and trust me, it's going to happen, cut open the bottle, dump out the water, and keep the doo-dads for next time.

Have fun, happy splashing, and enjoy your "Works for Me Wednesday!"

Ask Mrs. Stepford

So, I was going through my email today, and imagine my surprise when I found a couple emails from readers of my blog! I asked their permission to share their questions on the blog, in case others may have similar questions.

Q: What is your favorite house cleaning tip? One that even I can do because I'm no good at keeping house.

My favorite, by far, is my recipe for make-it-yourself Febreze. I hate the smell of regular Febreze, and even with CVS sales, it's just too darn expensive for my taste. With the make-it-yourself stuff, you can pick a scent that you like, use what concentration you like, and use as much or as little of it as you want. And because you use fabric softener, whenever and whatever you spray it on has a fresh from the wash smell. I like spraying it on the bed before I make it for the day.

Q: I liked your dinner ideas for your husband's birthday, especially the part about the candles. One question I have... My candles turn kind of yellow after a little while. I end up throwing them away and getting new ones. Is it because I buy dollar store candles? Can you think of anything to do with yellowed candles?

Pretty much every candle I buy, except for the Yankee Candles, turn kind of a yellow over time. Instead of throwing them away, wipe them down with some ammonia. In white candles, that will bring back their original white color. In some colored candles, it will lighten their overall color, but remove their yellow coloring. In the super cheap candles, it may strip them of their color all together, leaving them white, or a very pale version of their original color. Painted tapers? Depending on their quality, it could bring out a shine, or strip their paint.

If you want to see what happens, test it on a small part of your candle first.

Q: What's the dumbest household trick you heard from somebody else that you can't believe you didn't think of first?

To keep a spare watering can in the bathroom so you can easily rinse the tub and shower walls when your shower head isn't detachable. When I heard that, I hand a "oh DUH!" moment. That was way easier than my previous method, which was basically me trying to aim the shower head at the shower walls and trying to rinse it off.

Q: Lots of bloggers are talking about that CNN article where they call being a stay-at-home-wife a luxury and status symbol. What do you think? Do you work?

I work part-time, outside of the home. Before that, however, I was a SAHW for a couple of years. I earned very little income, and contributed to the household in other, non-bread winner ways. I decided to go back to work part-time to earn a little money for our savings, pay down some debt, and take some of the stress of being the sole income of the house off of Mr. Stepford. This has worked very well for us.

What do I think about the article? Really, I think that families will make the choice that is best for their family based off of the knowledge they have, the needs of their family, the capabilities and interests of those involved, and their specific situation. Because I believe that most families will make the choice that is in the best interests of their family and that most are trying to act in their families best interests, I don't see it as my place to make judgments here or there about anybody's particular situation.

If you want to have a spouse stay home, or if you want both spouses to work and you believe its what's best for your family, then I applaud you for your decision, and it's not my business to make judgments on it or second guess your choice. I do not think that families that have a stay-at-home spouse are inherently better than a family with both spouses working, or vice versa. I think the best family is the family that does what is needed to be happy, healthy, balanced, and personally successful.

Q: Do you fight the frump? Like wear make-up, jewelry, things like that?

I do, pretty much every day. I wear concealer, foundation, powdered bronzer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, and lipstick. I *LOVE* when makeup lines have ECB offers at CVS, because it gives me a chance to try brands, shades, and tools I wouldn't otherwise buy. Like right now, I'm wearing black nail polish with ruby red sparkles that I got for free with my ECBs on Sunday. It looks pretty hot, if you ask me! :)

I also always have at least one necklace on, and a pair of earrings. I wear 5 rings over my two hands, and yes, I do have a navel piercing. :)

If that counts as frump fighting or not, I guess remains to be seen. I've seen some of the tips floating around, some good, some not, some I think kind of contrary to the mission of frump fighting. In the end, again, I think that the best thing to do is dress to flatter your body type, wear cosmetics that match your hair color, eye color, and complexion, and to remain open to exploring your style.

I try to find one thing a week to do that's different or outside of my norm... Either buy with ECB's a color or product I'd not used and hadn't previously considered, wearing my hair differently, trying a new polish color... Something. I think that goes a long way to fighting frump, since there is no set "this universally looks good on all, and this universally does not" formula for us girls to follow.

If anybody else out there has questions, feel free to leave a comment or two, or to drop me an email. I'll be happy to give some of your conundrums a go!

The Simple Daybook of a Stepford Wife

For August 17th, 2008

Outside my Window
It's night time, about 9:30. The air is balmy and stagnant, with only a very occasional breeze to tussle the heavy air. The crickets outside are madly humming, and their song is occasionally punctuated by the banjo-like twang of a pair of frogs in our pond. The night is dark, the full moon conspicuously absent, leaving behind an inky darkness that is almost unsettling. The only beacon of light comes from my living room window, which spills across our yard, and by the occasional twittering light of a firefly.

I am Thinking
I'm trying to figure out what's going on with my body. I feel unwell, but not sick. I'm exhausted, but not tired. I think the anticipation of having the week off with Mr. Stepford, paired with an anxious curiosity about where I am in my cycle is making for an uneasy stomach and an uneasy mind.

I am Thankful For
My upcoming vacation, and that I'm able to have it off with my husband. Today, I'm also particularly thankful for the friendships I have, and those who love me. I sometimes feel that I take those I love outside of my marital unit for granted, and do not do near enough to show them how much they truly mean to me.

From the Kitchen
The smell of tonight's dinner still lingers in the air... Steak and Italian bread, grilled just outside of our kitchen window. The smell is hard to describe, only to say that if one were to bottle the smell of summer cuisine, this would be it.

I am Wearing
I'm settling in for the night, so I'm wearing grey exercise pants with a white and black stripe down the side, and my blue and green "Rainforest Cafe" shirt.

I am Reading
Right now, I'm reading nothing besides the news and blogs on the Internet.

I am Hoping
I'm hoping and praying that after yesterday's positive ovulation test, my body is back into the swing of things, and that we'll be able to have higher hopes about our chances of finally having a baby.

I am Hearing
The sound of a box fan purring in the window, and the sounds of the crickets and frogs outside the window. When I started the entry, aside from the crickets and the frogs, the air was still and quiet, but now the wind is picking up and I think I hear the low, distant growl of thunder from an approaching storm.

Around the House
The dog, alerted to the possibility of an impending storm, has posted himself by our open window, scanning the darkness for the first cracks of lightning. Mr. Stepford is on the floor, trying to coax our dog back into playing with him. But that our dog's preoccupation with alerting us to the weather has completely removed his desire for fun and games, and his mind is turned to the more serious issue at hand. An issue so serious that our dog seems to have forgotten that he's got a towel tied around his neck like a cape... Something Mr. Stepford did for reasons unknown. The seriousness of our dog trying to protect his pack and staring intently out into the darkness for the first sign of danger, paired with the absurdity of a dog wearing a towel cape makes for an interesting contrast.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week
I plan on doing nothing. Hopefully at some point we'll go camping, and hopefully I will catch up with friends and play some Wii online with them. Other than that, my week is blessedly free of plans...

Picture of the Day

Rain-covered Hostas in full bloom in the foreground, and our small little pond, with goldfish, in the background.

To read what others are saying in their daybooks, visit ~The Simple Woman~ and her Daybook series, posted every Monday. :)

Favorite Ingredient Friday ~ Bacon-Tomato Grilled Cheese Sammies

I ususally participate in "Favorite Ingredient Friday," but having been gone for so long, I'm not really sure if it's still running. If it is, awesome, if not, I'll still use Friday as a day to indroduce something from my Stepford Cookbook.

This week, I'm submitting a recipe for.. A sandwich.

I have to admit… I'm not a big sandwich person. And if I were, I wouldn't get a recipe for one. A sandwich is a sandwich, right? Who needs instructions on how to make one? But one day I had such a hankering for a grilled cheese sandwich (aka "sammies"), and I happened to stumble across this recipe, and I had to make it. It was so tasty!

Of course, I tweaked the recipe a bit, customizing it to Mr. Stepford and myself by replacing one of the mozzarella cheese slices for American cheese, and replacing 4 slices of cheddar cheese for 1 slice of American. That made this recipe the perfect sammies!

I'll give you both versions below:

Mrs. Stepford's Version

4 slices sourdough bread
4 slices American cheese
4 slices tomatoes
8 strips cooked bacon
Sour cream
2 tablespoons finely chopped onions
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

Butter

Spread butter on one side of each slice of bread. On the non-buttered
side, top one slice of bread with one slice of American cheese, 2 tomato slices,
4 bacon strips, and another slice of American cheese. On the non-buttered
side of another slice of bread, and spread a layer of sour cream on the
bread. Sprinkle with dried oregano and onion. Mash the two sides
together to form a sammies! Place sandwich on a hot griddle, outside grill, or pan over medium heat and grill 3-4 minutes on each side or until lightly toasted.

Yield: 2 sammies!

~~~~

Original Recipe
8 slices sourdough bread
4 slices mozzarella cheese
2 large thinly sliced tomatoes
8 strips fully cooked bacon
4 tablespoons sour cream
4 tablespoons finely chopped onions
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
4 slices Cheddar cheese
2 tablespoons softened butter

For each sandwich, top one slice of bread with one slice of mozzarella
cheese, a fourth of the tomato slices, two bacon strips, 1 tablespoon sour
cream, one tablespoon onion, a pinch of oregano, one slice of cheddar cheese,
and another slice of bread. Grill as above.

The Care and Feeding of Wicker

This is one of my favorite rooms in my house... We call it the "Tortola Room" after the island in the British Virgin Islands, where we were whisked away to after our wedding. It's actually modeled after the apartment where we stayed during for our week-long honeymoon.

Amazingly, the chair on the left is the first piece of furniture I'd ever gotten... It was a birthday gift from mother when I turned 16, which means that wicker chair is more than 10 years old. 10 year old wicker furniture that looks like new, without having been repainted, retouched, or replaced? It's true!

The care and feeding of wicker is fairly simple.

Usually, regular vacuuming with a brush attachment is all that well-fed wicker furniture needs. If you want, you can use canned air or, my personal favorite, a hair dryer set to cool (which is very important as if you used hot air, you will probably crack the wicker) to dust it between vacuuming.

For stubborn dirt, use a stiff paintbrush that's ever-so-slightly dampened (you should feel it's damp, but it's not dripping) with a mixture of salt, a tiny splash of lemon juice, and warm water to clean the dusty or dirty parts of your wicker pieces. Salt water and lemon is actually something of a preservative, and it prevents your wicker from getting yellowed over time. Water is not wicker's friend, so it's better to go with a brush that's too dry than too wet.

Wicker that's a little dry, and a little without luster? Take that same stiff brush and a little lemon oil (not to be confused with Pledge or the like...), and "paint" it on the spots that need some loving. Again, better to have too little than too much on this technique.

Wicker loves humid, but hates cold. Putting my wicker in the sun room during our hot humid summers makes it super happy... But leaving it out during our cold New England winters (even though it's totally indoors and enclosed) makes it not so happy. That's why I bring mine inside every year.

A little care goes a long way, so if you just stay on top of it, you'll not only have a piece that lasts you years, but saves you the hassle of trying to restore it or replace it.

Seconds on the Slop, Please

It's another beautiful day in the Stepford home... The dog is neatly groomed and sleeping on his perfectly arraigned pillow in the living room (Ok... The dog shed everywhere and is standing on the couch barking at a Cardinal outside), the house is meticulously cleaned (by which I mean I did some vacuuming, did my morning routine, goofed around a bit, then spent an hour... Ok, 4 hours... on the computer), I'm dressed in a modest outfit (tee-shirt and jeans, but I think it's the Crocs that finish off the outfit quite nicely, though the hobo hair makes a statement all on its own), and the air is thick with the smell of home cooking (no, really, it is... Would I exaggerate?).

Mr. Stepford breezes through the door and sets his work gear down, gets changed into his civis (aka... "Normal people clothes"), and sits down to a freshly wiped dining room table, featuring lit candles and a wonderful summer scape centerpiece that can only truly be appreciated by another woman.

With fork in one hand and knife in the other, I come from the kitchen to the dining room table, carrying dinner. Eyes lit up with eager anticipation, Mr. Stepford waits for dinner to hit the table. What succulent dish could it be, he ponders... Chicken in lemon cream sauce? Or maybe pork pot pie... Though it does have the smell of freshly cooked beef... Ah, a pot roast perhaps, cola pot roast with that sweet and salty cream sauce... With a smile, I set down the steaming plate of delicious goodness. His eyes fall to the plate, reeling with the visual feast before him. He takes in the sight of the meal in front of him and exclaims:

"What the heck is this?" (Or words similar in effect)

It's a... Something... Not a stew because it's not got enough stuff in it, not a soup because it's too thick. It's a funny shade of brown, with no discernible shapes in it... Though that might be a bit of corn... Or was it a noodle? Who knows. The texture is reminiscent of very lumpy gravy, and there is chunks of mystery meat floating about in it. The fleeting hope of "this is April Fools, and my real meal is still over there" crosses his mind...

"Try it, you'll like it," I say soothingly, while eating a spoonful of mystery meal and, much to Mr. Stepford's surprise, managing to keep it down.

A cautious spoon dips in and scoops out a bit of the mystery meal, mouth uneager for the taste that this... Stuff... Brings with it. But in it goes. A swish of the tongue, a little chew, and a swallow later, the stuff... It's... It's... Surprisingly delishious. Each spoonful is eaten a little more eagerly than the last, until the first serving is gone.

"So... Is there anymore left? You kept the recipe, right? Because this stuff is good... I mean REALLY good..."

This, Ladies and Gentlemen of Stepford, is the bounty of the mystery meal. A meal known by many names across the world... "Slop," "Grool," "Dookie on a Shingle" (or words to that effect), the "just try it, you'll like it" of the home cook's recipe box. A meal folks at "Taste of Home" and Food Network never show their viewers. Why? Because, as good as it tastes, as delectable every bite is, it looks absolutely horrible.

I'm guessing I wasn't the only one raised in a time before food was dressed up and made sexy. My childhood was a parade of "try it, you'll like it, trust me" meals. A time where it was only one or two ingredients that separated "sausage stew" from "spaghetti sauce" from "chili." Where presentation was slapping it on a plate, maybe answering the "you've got to be kidding me, right? You're not going to make me eat that" looks of the folks around the table with an equally convincing "no, I'm not, and yes, you are" look. And I'll admit it here for everybody to read... I've got more than one dish that's so scrumptious, so cravably delicious, so taste-bud blowingly awesome, that you almost forget that it looks absolutely nasty.

I'd like to think that I'm woman enough to show you a picture of these meals, that I can overcome the modern stigma of making a meal that isn't visually appetizing, even if it is amazingly yummy... But you know what, I'm not. I'm really not. My beef stew and dumplings is literally so delish, we eat most of it in one night. It's the ultimate comfort food. And the pork in chili salsa cream sauce... Holy cow. It's one of the best meals I make. It should be enough to overcome the fact that the stew looks like mud and the pork looks like... I won't even tell you. There's no nice way to describe what salsa, chili, and cream cheese looks like over pork, there really isn't. And don't lie... You may love to eat it, you may have a gallon of it frozen in your freezer right now, but there is no way in the world you can dress up split pea soup so that it looks appetizing. There just isn't.

But come on, admit it... I'm not the only one out there, am I? I think the "delicious slop" meal is the demon in the closet of every resident in Stepford... Try as you like, there's that one dish that looks like a trainwreck on a plate that you just can't stop serving.

Warning: The above picture is not a "slop" meal as it is both attractive and appetizing.

The picture has been changed so as to protect the innocent, prevent self-incrimination of the guilty,

and preserve the stomachs of the readers.

A note from Stepford ~ I realize I used like 10 words that aren't real words in this entry, but somehow, I'm OK with it. I hope you are too. ;)

My Dream House

I have a confession to make... I am addicted, and I mean addicted, to magazines about home decor and design. "Better Homes and Gardens," "Cottage Style," "Country Living," "Country Home," all of those types of magazines. I love looking through the books, imagining all the great things I'd do to my house if I had a cagillion dollars, an army of maids, never touched or sat down on anything, and got rid of my dog... Who manages to get hair in every imaginable place in the house. Some people get fashion magazines and torture themselves on how they'll never look like the models or own their clothes... I choose to do the same with home decor magazines.

My husband says "Better Homes and Gardens" should be called "Better Homes than Yours," and he's right, because unlike my cookbook and cooking magazine obsession (yes, I have one of those too), there's no way I can ever, in a thousand years, have anything resembling what is featured in those perfect, glossy pages. At least with the cookbooks, there's an outstanding chance that I can make what they feature. Being a pretty good cook who likes to experiment with food (and has the thighs to prove it), what those books have don't seem quite so unrealistic as the beautiful home with the perfect window treatments, white couch, and immaculately maintained yards.

Well, poking around the Internet one day, I find much to my delight that there numerous websites and blogs that I can go to in order to further fuel my domestic inadequacy complex... Only these blogs are by real people in real beautiful, lived in houses. People with husbands and dogs and kids and financial limitations... Suddenly, my "Favorites" file is overflowing with tons of pretty, practical, and best of all cheap ideas I can use in my house. And every once in awhile, I float onto a blog that features a house that makes me drool.

Today, I found one such blog, abeachcottage. This poor woman has the unfortunate luck of living in a beach house only a short jaunt to the ocean, an unpleasant situation that I myself dream about almost every day. And her house... Gorgeous. I spent hours looking through her pictures, which were just mesmerising. I have to tell you, the woman had better leave her house locked when she leaves, or else she'll find that I broke in and made myself at home.

Of course, living in a non-coastal town in the US, having a beautiful beach side house is very much a dream... But I wonder, how ridiculous would it be to design my house around an ocean theme (of which I've got tons of stuff I could use for just such a theme) when the ocean itself is about 2 hours away? My sun room is already in a sort of contemporary Caribbean theme, and it seems to work well... Maybe a beachy theme in the rest of the house wouldn't look too bad?

Oh, the dreams... I really need to stop visiting Maine for vacation every year.